I've been happily married for 8 years, but lately I've noticed something weird about my husband. So of course I was there for him going through counseling, being his accountability partner, and support person through it all. Then encourage them to contact the authorities and engage the services of a qualified counselor. 2)Is usually married. The US Department of Justice has developed characteristics and behavioral indicators of a pedophile. If so, how do I go about it? A pedophile may not sexually abuse children themselves but may view child pornography which is also a severe criminal offence and helps to maintain the cycle of child sexual abuse. What to look out for is someone who relates better to children than to adults, and has either very few adult friends or whose friends might also be sex offenders. I am seriously considering calling 911. We recommend that you step back and try to take an objective look at your husband’s secret life of sexual abuse. Is my husband a pedophile? 18)Often was a child molestation victim and frequently seeks out children at the age or stage of physical development at which he was molested.So many will try to explain their abuse of a child as it been all that they knew, as it was done to them. Only time will tell. My husband last night while I was half asleep said his 16 yr old niece Who's not biologically related but by marriage is skinny enough so he can **** her. Their father.... my ex-husband, is a convicted pedophile. This type of molestation is usually reported promptly to the police because the trauma to the child is readily apparent.This abuse is far less common than the normal family involved abuse of a child. A good therapist can help you sort all of this out. If you think he may respond with anger or would in some way downplay the situation, bring some other interested parties into the discussion – your niece’s parents, perhaps, or a pastor, or a trusted Christian friend. They’re usually seductive, manipulative, and highly controlling. A Letter From A Survivor Of Abuse To Her…, Parental Alienation IS Forced Child Abuse -…, REMEMBER THE ELDERLY IN OUR COMMUNITIES -…. Obviously, ensuring your niece’s safety is a top priority. I've seen him google search "tiny petite teens" and "teen porn". Seven years ago, Darlene Ellison's husband was arrested by the FBI for his involvement with NAMBLA, the North American Man-Boy Love Association. When a detective showed Jasmine a video of her husband confessing to sexually abusing a 10-year-old girl, she says, "It was like a knife through my heart." There’s a good chance, then, that both of you will be tempted to minimize, rationalize, or deny the seriousness of the situation. They’re essential to their ability to seduce their victims. His father often asks to take our daughter to help “lighten the load” but doesn’t ask to take our son, as well. Pedophilia is a severe sexual dysfunction, and many reputable experts hold out very little hope for the average abuser’s rehabilitation. As you go through this process, bear in mind that most pedophiles and perpetrators of sexual abuse share a number of distinct personality traits in common. What are the chances that your marriage can survive this crisis? He/She will do anything that they have to in order to retain this control for as long as possible. Cook’s ex-husband, Joseph Doyle, was a social studies teacher and hockey coach at Natick High School (right). 19)Often seeks out publications and organizations that support his sexual beliefs and practices.They have their own Community online. The US Department of Justice has developed characteristics and behavioral indicators of a pedophile. If you think it might be helpful to talk these issues over at greater length with a member of our staff, we’d like to invite you to call Focus on the Family’s Counseling department. They are as follows: 3)Works in a wide range of occupations, from unskilled laborer to corporate executive, to within the Judiciary, Law Enforcement, Medical Community,Religious Orders. As they will thrive on this respect and the control over their victim, in knowing that he/she can convince many other's that the child is lying and is looking for attention. He/She always wants to have lots of images of children around so that at any stage he/she can relieve themselves sexually, or plan on what they will do in abusing this child. Although these incidents do occur, the vast majority of child molesters are adults who seduce children through subtle intimidation and persuasion and are known to the child.The most dangerous place for 97% of children who are abused in life, is within their own HOME. Home » Family QAs » Get Help » Family Q&A » Relationships & Marriage Q&As » Pedophilia in Marriage. I swear to god I almost cried – it’s bad enough he’s jerking off to porn which I already knew he was doing instead of coming to bed with me at night, but now I think he’s a pedophile and I’m besides myself. It didn’t take much before I was simply staring into space for hours at a … Our first piece of advice is this: look to the Lord in prayer. Once you’ve taken these steps, you’ll obviously want to turn your attention to the state of your marriage. He came into my life when I was in my first year of high school, 14 years old. He said he was half asleep and didn’t know what he was saying so I should dismiss it.i was 17 when we met and he was 23 he’s now 26. Have Focus on the Family resources helped you or your family? Do whatever is necessary to procure the medical and psychological assistance she needs. The most effective means of protecting your child is communication with your child. It’s important that your niece receive this help as soon as possible. Ask your spouse some pointed questions about the frequency and duration of his involvement in pedophilia. 21)Is usually non-violent and has few problems with the law (pedophiles are frequently respected community members).As I said above the worst offenders of Child Abuse are those that hide behind the cloak of respectability and normality in life. My husband is a great help, but with two toddlers he’s got his hands full. If the child is not under your direct care, you will probably want to bring her parents or foster parents into the loop right away. He's extremely immature and emotionally acts like a 16 year old. Of course, domestic problems in intact families also can make children vulnerable to the pedophile. This secret is normally kept between the offender and the victim, or within the immediate family. When trust is destroyed, the relationship between husband and wife inevitably suffers. My husband (32M and I (33F) have been married 6 and a half years, and together 3 years before that. Sometimes I catch him looking at young girls kinda funny. They’re also nice, friendly, affable, helpful, and extremely adept at wheedling their way into other people’s good graces so that they can persuade those same people to do what they want them to do. Wives of pedophiles are co-pedophiles; they collude with their monster husbands. 14)May go to great lengths to conceal his illegal activity.Staying hidden from the world, is all part of this sick game of control and abuse to a Pedophile. As we see it, the bitterness, anger, and disgust you’re feeling toward him at this moment will continue to grow until you can no longer tolerate his presence. If your spouse ends up serving a lengthy prison sentence for his crimes, this is obviously going to have a serious impact on your marriage. 13)Is usually intelligent enough to recognize that he has a personal problem and understand the severity of it.Pedophile's know that society in general has no tolerance for them, that they are hated and if incarcerated their life will be hell. 16)Often portrays the child as the aggressor. Anyone in your position would be experiencing the same fears, doubts, temptations, and feelings of confusion and disorientation. All the more reason to stand firm and enlist the help of a few supporters who won’t be taken in by deception or smooth talk. If she represses the memory of her ordeal until she’s older, her symptoms will likely be far more severe and she will face a much longer period of recovery. Pedophiles are attracted to children who have not yet undergone puberty. If you have reason to suppose that they are neither competent nor responsible enough to take these steps, you may have to act on their behalf. This misconception has been effectively dispelled through information obtained in thousand of child sexual abuse investigations over the years. ResourcesIf a title is currently unavailable through Focus on the Family, we encourage you to use another retailer. Take her to a safe location. Don't be ignorant to the fact that it can't and won't happen to your child, as I am telling you that it can and it will if you don't protect them. I have noticed a few times my husband had a semi-hard erection when playing with our son (who is now 3yrs). We highly recommend that you consult with a reputable attorney to find out what your options are. Meanwhile, move forward with your eyes wide open. 4)Relates better to children than adults,and likes to always be around children, pretending to love and care for them, whilst planning their own sick alternative agenda. Hi, I know this might seem like an odd thing to say; but my husband really gives me the creepy vibes that he's a pediphile. Yes, I'm angry, but I'm also terribly afraid. 15)Often rationalizes his/her illicit activities, emphasizing his positive impact upon the victim and repressing feelings about the harm that he has done. He has violated the marriage covenant by seeking sexual satisfaction elsewhere. Exactly what form this will take is likely to vary from state to state. They can be male or female, rich or poor, employed or unemployed, religious or non-religious, highly educated or non-educated, or from any race. I still try to convince myself it’s all in my head. One important point to bear in mind is that there will be legal consequences for your husband’s actions. It should be noted as well, many pedophiles seek out mothers of single-parent families for the purpose of victimizing their children. You’re in the middle of an agonizing situation, and we want you to know that our hearts go out to you in your pain, anguish, and fear. He or she can also evaluate your husband’s overall attitude – for example, is he truly repentant and sorry for his actions, or does he refuse to admit that he’s done anything wrong? The therapist will know exactly what to do. Like all other abusers in life, they have their own criteria for a victim. Your emotions may be paralyzing you and clouding your judgment at the moment, but somehow you’ve got to find a way to get past them. Teach your children that they should not be asked to touch anyone in the bathing suit areas of their body or allow anyone to touch them in those areas.But most of all teach them total Body Safety matters, tell them the real names for their genitals, don't try to make them feel awkward by giving them names such as private area etc. Obviously, we don’t have all the answers. Express your sorrow over what has happened to her. Once you’ve attended to the child’s needs, you will need to report the incident to law enforcement or Child Protective Services. To make matters worse, they tend to marry someone who has also been sexually broken. As they all watch each other's backs. I have spoken to him about this and expressed my concerns. In light of the profile of the typical pedophile outlined above, it would be a good idea to ask yourself some serious questions about the future of your marriage and to work through those questions with the help of wise counsel. These situations may contribute to the success of the child molester who can and will provide the caring attention, however superficial that may be lacking at home. Many of the things your husband did/said were things my dad did and said. We can easily understand why you might be reluctant to take this step, but keep in mind that if you don’t report your husband you could possibly bear some degree of legal culpability depending on your state’s laws regarding reporting requirements of child sexual abuse. Your marriage might be healed, but it might not. Dear wife of a pedophile, I am so sorry to hear your story but I do understand and I am really glad you left this call to action. Recently I was looking at his computer history and saw that about 2-3 years ago before we met, he searched for child pornography. A pedophile and the child have boundaries issues in common. We suggest you talk to your husband and find out exactly what’s been going on. —Anon3 They are using this to try to justify their abuse to other's and to get a shorter sentence in court. 20)Usually corresponds with other pedophiles and exchanges child pornography and erotica as proof of involvement.This is a secret club that only those within it are aware of. The first two years were tough, but my kids came out great. We have been separated over a year now. From her perspective, it’s going to make all the difference in the world to have the love, reassurance, and support of wise and caring adults. We live in a flawed, fallen world, and there are some wounds that simply will not be healed until the Lord comes again. As it is so much easier to hide it from behind closed doors, than to risk taking a unknown child. Not only will I lose my husband, but I'm scared that family and friends will regard both of us as outcasts from this point forward. My prayers are with you. 17)Talks about children in the same manner as one would talk about an adult lover or spouse.As to them this is their lover or spouse. But while the situation is agonizing, there’s a sense in which the decisions you’re facing are not. 12)May possess and furnish narcotics to his victims to lower their inhibitions.Sometimes a child can fight too much against their abuser, so they are drugged in order to subdue them. It usually is those that hide behind the cloak of normality and respectability within our community that are the worst offenders of them all. It’s a tough choice. I don't know if this qualifies; ok he's 30. These qualities are fundamental to the secret double life that characterizes the typical abuser. 10)Frequently photographs or collects photographs of his victims, either dressed, nude, or in sexually explicit acts. Whether it is on Facebook or Twitter or Google or even on LinkedIn, they are within every community where they might have access to children. No group of our community or person can ever be ignored as a possible Pedophile if their are signs showing. He isn't aware that I know about this yet, and I'm ashamed to say that I feel tempted to look the other way. This is a normal response to a “crazy-making” turn of events in your life. It doesn’t matter what your friends and relatives think – there is no reason to assume that you will be blamed or vilified for your spouse’s actions. At this point she probably feels isolated and completely under the control of her abuser. Here at Focus on the Family we are committed to doing everything in our power to save and restore broken marriages, but we’re also aware that it’s important to be realistic. They grew up and finished their educations and got good jobs. This is dangerous for you, because it means he may ditch you when you're "too old" for him, which may be in the next few years. It takes courage to seek outside help at a time like this, and you deserve to be commended for having the fortitude to turn to our ministry for guidance. Many were abused or victimized by others at an earlier period in their lives. In many cases the parent is unable to provide the psychological support the child needs. You don’t have to play detective, and you shouldn’t probe her for details, though you may need to let her know that you have become aware of the sexual abuse to which she’s been subjected. But you need to act now – both for the sake of your niece and for the sake of your marriage. If they don't feel they can talk with you about their true feelings or that they will be "put down" for it, then you can't expect they will tell you when they are put in an uncomfortable situation by a child molester.Don't have your child afraid to speak to you about their bodies. I left my pedophile husband, and have been very happy I did. The counselor will also be able to gauge his receptivity to treatment. Child molesters -Pedophiles come from all walks of life and from all socioeconomic groups. You’ll need them if you’re to navigate this difficult pathway successfully. Through intimidation, the child is made to feel responsible for the molestation and for keeping the acts secret. At this point no one can know exactly what’s going to happen. An adult who is good at interacting and understanding children is not a pedophile by default. Put simply, your marriage will be destroyed if you don’t reveal what you know. Married to a Pedophile. He comes across so smooth and together, while I am an emotional basket case. The good news is that this might actually be the best way to get him the help he needs: if the case comes to trial, and if he is convicted, the judge will probably order him to undergo personal therapy. Under the circumstances, do you think there's any possibility that our marriage can be saved? As the term implies, the child does not know the molester. The way you describe your husband is SO similar to my dad. He may very well give you a large dose of denial or defensiveness in return, but it’s crucial to bring the issue up regardless of his reaction. 8)May seek employment or volunteer with programs involving children of the age of his preference.How many times have we seen Teachers, Coaches etc who were employed to work with our children, to turn out to be the most dangerous people to have around our children. But they are intelligent and manipulate situations so their detection can take a long time to be revealed. Women should never mistrust that gut feeling that something’s not right. 7)Usually prefers either males or females, but may be bi-sexual.He/She may abuse a specific gender or sometimes they have no preference as they just enjoy the control of abuse of a child, irrespective of gender. Teach them that it is alright to tell if they are scared or hurt, and that no matter what, they will be believed. Exactly what form this will take is likely to vary from state to state. I won't go into details, but I do have solid evidence that he's been engaging in unspeakable acts with this sweet, innocent child. Although physical abuse may occur, the molestation is usually secretive and is accomplished through mental duress and threats - that the child would be removed from the family if he/she did not succumb to his wishes, that he/she would be blamed for hurting the family if the offender is arrested, or that a sibling would be sexually abused if the victim did not consent. Paedophiles are almost always men, more often married adult males and they work in a very wide range of occupations, from unskilled work up to corporate executives. My husband is a pedophile. Here, too, we believe you have no alternative except to bring the truth to light and take immediate action. As a matter of fact, they’re fairly simple and straightforward. Whether or not your husband is a boylover, it is clear that he will be abusive. In most cases, pedophiles and sexual abusers are sexually broken themselves. Then place her under the care of a trained Christian clinician who specializes in sexual abuse. When my youngest was born my now ex-husband came to me and told me he had an addiction to pornography and that he wanted out and wanted my help. The answer to this question depends on a number of different factors. This weekend I noticed he had one while holding our son on the couch early morning. The worst part, and the part that I remember after finding out about my own husband’s infidelity, was the fact that he kept trying to convince me that I was the crazy one. This is to be expected. The single-parent family is particularly vulnerable to the pedophile; the parent usually has a full-time job and is attempting to fulfill the role of both parents, as well as run the household. I know I need to do something to protect my niece, but I fear that if this comes to light everything in my life will be destroyed, including my marriage. Your goal in all of this will be to persuade your husband to meet with and be assessed by a competent licensed clinician who has been specially trained to deal with sexual abuse and addiction. You really don’t have any other choice if you care about your niece. He tells me that sometimes he can't control his erections and that he gets them when he is relaxed. He wasn’t a physically attractive person, but he was already a very convincing liar. I was half asleep but I know what I heard he even said her name. 11)Collects child erotica and child-adult pornography.Again to these people this is normal and they sadly learn how not to get caught and how to inflict as much pain as possible onto their victim from other pedophiles.They have their own language. The legal system and the family court system have failed my 4 year old daughter repeatedly. If you are the child’s legal guardian (you didn’t mention whether she’s been living with you or not), the first thing to do is to get her away from your husband. This means that when you confront your husband with your discovery, you will probably find that he’s very good at looking you straight in the eye and saying something that will cause you to doubt yourself. When most people imagine a child molester, they picture some ugly, old man in a trench coat coaxing children to come to him in exchange for some candy. 8605 Explorer Drive Colorado Springs, CO 80920-1051, call Focus on the Family’s Counseling department, Tough Love in Adult Relationships: What It Is, What It’s Not, and How to Use It, Grandparents Threatened to Either Support Transgender Grandchild or Be Cut Off, How to Find Counseling Support for Teen With Sexual Identity Issues. Hold on to your faith, strength, and courage. So the fact that your husband liked you when you were 15 and married you when you were 17 may indicate that he's not a pedophile but he likes teen girls. Since we started dating though, we’ve been monogamous until this last weekend. The husband of QAnon-supporting Congresswoman-elect Lauren Boebert (R-Colo.) allegedly exposed himself to a minor in a bowling alley in 2004. The answer to this question depends on a number of different factors. Is my boyfriend a pedophile? I was trying to keep up with a toddler and an infant and already felt a little off. No, he's an EPHEBOPHILE-----that is, an adult attracted to pubescent or post-pubescent individuals. In this short film, Chase accompanies his friend Rebekah Skoor as they travel to visit Rebekah’s father, Michael, a convicted pedophile. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and Focus on the Family would hesitate to recommend it as a first option even in terrible scenarios like the one you’ve described, but we’re also aware that there are occasions when the wounded partner of an unfaithful spouse simply has to face facts. Should I report him? This usually occurs after the child realizes that by withholding "sexual favors" the child will obtain what he or she desires, such as new toys, clothing or trips.They brain train their victims. The child will become confused on boundaries — life doesn’t have a barbed wire fence to keep out bad guys. I’m telling you this poor girl is a highschool kid and my husband … The children are not the one's with the issues on the names of these areas, the adults are.To educate your child on abuse is to help to protect them. 22)The widespread misconception that child molestation consists solely of children being seized from the street and forcibly molested couldn't be further from the truth. This is total Bull, as they knew the pain it caused,so they know the pain they are inflicting. My brother’s a pedophile: My brother is a child molester who targets prepubescent girls. My Husband Is a Pedophile AMA - (r/AskReddit Top Posts | Reddit Ask Me Anything) Has anything insane happened to you? They still love their dad and see him, but they know how to keep their boundaries up when they are around him. They have to feel comfortable discussing sensitive matters with you. They don't picture Uncle John or Aunt Mary the neighbor next door or the friendly parishioner; another family member or trusted co-worker. The possibility of exposure doing this is far too high, hence why most children taken under these circumstances are sadly murdered. He was a prefect at my school and I was flattered that he even spoke to me. That's a difficult question to answer because most pedophiles know how to hide their urges. Q. 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